Dating the gospel of john
Is there such a thing as “too fast” in Christian dating?
How do you know if a dating relationship is moving too quickly emotionally, or too quickly toward marriage?
So, in that way, I’m encouraged by what technology has to offer.
If, though, we are saying that technology has changed the game in regards to how single young men and women approach one another, before that relationship is defined, then I have a lot of concern about technology.
If the relationship is outpacing knowledge of character, reputation, and knowledge of godliness, then that is way too quick.
But if you are in a context in which you have watched the person’s godliness, you have marveled at their character, you have rejoiced in what God has done in them and through them, then speed isn’t a big factor. What drove the speed wasn’t a flare-up of emotions — it wasn’t a fear of loneliness, or desperation, like maybe this is my only shot. Rather, there was knowledge of his faithfulness to God, his desire to serve the Lord, and his seriousness about the things of God.
We get a lot of questions from young Christian men and women who are “not yet married.” Their season of life awakens many desires and hopes, uncertainties and insecurities, and tricky pastoral questions.
I think the way that local churches can practically help godly marriages happen outside of telling single men to “man up” and telling single women to “stop waiting around to be active in your single life” — though I do think there is a space for telling single men and women this. What does it look like to serve, love, and encourage your wife? What does it look like to be a man of God in relation to your wife?
Personally, I try to do this by having single men into our home. I will help set the table, and then afterwards that young man gets to help me do the dishes.
On top of that, my hope would be that young men would seek out older men. The appeal of youthfulness in churches is so heavy and celebrated, and yet I have found, without a good mix of generations, you are going to get lopsided and silly.
And the worst possible thing imaginable in my mind is a bunch of 24-year-olds sitting around talking about life.
We have a staff person here who met and married her husband in a matter of months. I hardly knew they were dating before they were engaged.